A young man went to his father one day to tell him that
he wanted to get married.
His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the
girl was, and he told him that it was Samantha, a girl from
the neighborhood.
With a sad face the old man said to his son,
''I'm sorry to say this son but I have to. The
girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your mother.''
The young man again brought three more names to his
father but ended up frustrated because the response was
still the same.
So he decides to go to his mother.
''Mom I want to get married but all the girls that
I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell
you.''
His mother smiling said to him,
''Don't worry my son, you can marry any of
those girls. You're not his son.
Oh, You're not his son
Mental Hospital
One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH (Institute of mental health)
He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home.
He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.
When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain.
As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.
One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened.
The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do;
he told the patient the whole incident.
The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem...
no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."
Here’s what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this
tyre.
Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that"
The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at
the IMH?"
Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"
Have fun Ah Beng
Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'
============ ========= ========= ======
Ah Beng : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College .
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.
============ ========= ========= ========= ===
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.
============ ========= ========= ========= ====
Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.
==== ============ ========= ========= =======
Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.
============ ========= ========= ========= ====
Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news...'
============ ========= ========= ========= ==
Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'
============ ========= ========= ========= ======
How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========
Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked h im why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =====
Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Ah Beng : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'
W.I.F.E. meaning...
Four guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator.
While they are stuck, they strike up a conversation.
The first guy says, 'I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E., you know...
''Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.''
The second guy says, 'I'm a D.I.N.K.Y, you know...
Double Income, No Kids Yet. '
The third guy says, 'I'm a R.U.B., you know...
''Rich, Urban, Biker. '
The fourth guy says, I am a D.I.L.D.O, you know...
'Double Income, Little Dog Owner.''
They turn to the woman and ask her. ''What are you?''
She replies: 'I'm a WIFE, you know... 
Funny Little Ralphy
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'
She calls on little Ralphy.
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU.'
'There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied,
'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'
To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'
LITTLE RALPHY ON MATH
Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
'Why?' asks the father?
'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.
'But that's right!' says his dad.
'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''
'What's the f@(&^$* difference?' asks the father.
'That's what I said!'
LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER
Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.
Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own business.
A DEDICATED WIFE
Four guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator.
While they are stuck, they strike up a conversation.
The first guy says, 'I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E., you know...
''Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.''
The second guy says, 'I'm a D.I.N.K.Y, you know...
Double Income, No Kids Yet. '
The third guy says, 'I'm a R.U.B., you know...
''Rich, Urban, Biker. '
The fourth guy says, I am a D.I.L.D.O, you know...
'Double Income, Little Dog Owner.''
They turn to the woman and ask her. ''What are you?''
She replies: 'I'm a WIFE, you know... 